Hi Everyone,
Some time has passed since my last post and I will attempt to be more diligent in sharing my journey. Honestly, this last month has been a bit of a mental and emotional hurdle for me. That being said, it is something that many people go through when facing a serious injury and going through the recovery process. I feel that it is important for me to share my recovery to help those who have gone, are going through, or will go through their own journey to recovery, to not feel alone.
Starting at the beginning, I was told in my last orthopedic appointment that I am still really restricted in movements, limited in what I can do, and that my foot will still be sensitive to swelling so I need to rest. This was a bit of a jolt and frustrating moment for me to mentally digest. I am not sure where the expectations stem from, but it seems like you come to a point when you may be mentally ready to do more, but physically unable to perform. It's part of that disconnect between the mind and body that comes into play when you suffer an injury. Your mind expects to be able to function a certain way and your body either physically blocks that or is unable to perform due to the injury. This I feel is where a lot of the frustration stems from; at least for me personally going from extremely active to severely limited is challenging. I can feel my masters degree in sport psychology kicking in and telling me to set SMART goals and changing my negative thoughts to more productive positive dialogue. Definitely feels like that saying "practice what you preach," which can be challenging. It is a day to day battle that I go through and some days are better than others. When you find yourself missing out or not being able to do certain things because of the injury, it can be very upsetting and lonely.The struggle is real and what has sometimes helped me is thinking back to when I first came out of surgery and my limitations and where I am at now. Having a sense of hope or faith that things will return to normal and that I will come out stronger in the end. Although it is natural for hope to dwindle at times.
On a side note, I did however receive news that I could start getting off of my crutches, but still must have the boot on when I sleep and if I am moving around. At least there was some news that felt like I was gaining a little more independence and normalcy. I was not really expecting the challenge that came with this new territory or freedom. Needless to say smooth or easy is not what I would call this transition. My pt took my crutches and was like "okay, walk." I could feel my nerves perk up and fear set in. How do you walk again? I then was given back my crutches to walk with, which was a relief, but still a challenge. Testing out and relearning how to walk is no easy task. All eyes are on you and the focus kicks in as you try to sort it out. Although you receive encouragement about how great it was, you know in reality it was far from smooth, great, or a comfortable stride. Mine personally looked like a gangsta limp with a slide and was far from comfortable as I could feel the pressure in my heel and a weird sensation (like your foots asleep) from my knee to my ankle. I experimented with my walk a couple of weeks later at an usually not so busy Costco and lasted about 20 minutes before ending up on a bench next to a few new friends that came and went. My ego was a little bit hurt that I couldn't physically keep up with a one stop normal part of my routine.
Overall, this past month I have progressed and challenged myself to walk around the house without my crutches, but am not at a point yet where I can last for a long enough time to go without them in public. This limitation still exists after a month of trying to build up stamina and strength with my current limitations. There have been some casualties in the process. Some eggs have been broken, salad dropped, creamer and smoothie spills, and it has become a bit of a war zone in the pantry. This definitely can be a mood killer because now clean up is its own work out and struggle. No one likes to clean up more then they have to on a daily basis, especially when they are physically limited. That's when the creativity kicks in. Although, I am happy to report that there have been no casualties in the last week! My next appointment is coming up and I am hoping that I will be given the freedom to take the wedge out of my boot and bump up the intensity of my physical exercises. I feel stronger and more confident than I did at the beginning of March, so I feel like I have made some progress. Keep your fingers crossed!
My final thought is to know that you are not alone and the struggle is real, but you always come out stronger in the end.
“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.”
―
Mahatma Gandhi
Until we speak again! Ciao
