6-7 months

Hi Everyone! It took a while to complete and update this post. After hitting the 7 month mark I was a little over halfway through my recovery and it has been a busy few months since my last post. I recently went to my friend's wedding and was able to wear wedged heels, which was definitely an experience at about 7 months. Although, I came prepared and had a backup (flat tennis shoes), I was able to last a lot longer than I had originally thought. It is the mini milestones that make the most difference in the rehabilitation process and make you feel the most normal. 

At this point in my recovery, I also decided to stop going to physical therapy because I was not able to really progress with the activities and have been able to do more on my own and keep a better schedule. Also, I personally didn't feel that I was receiving the type of encouraging support from my therapist that I needed and didn't see the benefits in spending money for something that I was more motivated to do on my own. Sometimes there is a disconnection between an understanding of the emotions and frustrations involved within the rehabilitation process. Some days you make really great progression and other days you plateau or feel like you are going backwards. Everyone has their good and bad days, but working through them and understanding the process and that you are not alone can help. Having a support system that understands and helps you within the various stages of recovery is important. My therapist would sometimes become frustrated with what my orthopedist would release me to do and often made me feel like I wasn't progressing fast enough. This didn't always happen and I had a great relationship with my therapist, but as with any relationship there can be some bumps in the road or a different opinion or viewpoint. I trust my orthopedist and have been going to him for a long time and know that he is one of the best in the area and is highly recommended for this type of injury. 

This overall disconnect would create an awkwardness between my own competitive athletic thoughts and what my body was physically capable and telling me to do. The mind and body disconnect is one of the hardest challenges when it comes to injury recovery. My physical therapy progress overall was beneficial and provided me with what I needed to recover and rebuild my strength, confidence, and flexibility. I have been going there for a very long time, but there always comes a time when you need to break away from the crutch and build up your own strength. Stepping away from the crutches is one of the hardest things to do.

Now that I was on my own schedule, I was able to start swimming more. I swam a couple times a week during the summer, which was a nice change of pace as well as how therapeutic the water can be. I honestly was really nervous how that would turn out, but surprisingly was in better form than I could have possibly imagined. Having been a competitive swimmer it was hard to set a realistic expectation as to what to expect with form and the amount of laps that I would be able to do. I started out small with only swimming what would be normally a light warm up of smaller lap sets (ex: 15...20...25 maximum) and built up from there. The only thing that is hard is moderation and not being able to swim really any other stroke than freestyle. I was able to gauge my progression through how strong my kick was as well as building up to swimming breaststroke and how that felt. In the pool I also did some of my leg strengthening exercises and stretches. The pool has always been almost a source of meditation for me, especially when it is empty so being able to start utilizing this resource really helped in my physical and mental recovery. 

“Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.”-Og Mandino

Until we speak again! Ciao

5 months...

Hi Everyone! I know it has been a while since my last post. I am officially 5 months into my recovery. Although, I haven't reached the halfway point yet, I feel much stronger and have felt some gains in my strength, mobility, and balance. It's easy to jump ahead, but looking back really helps to set up a mental picture as to how far I have come on this journey. Mentally, I feel a little bit more consistent with less road blocks based on the fact that I can do more, but by no means feel like I can do everything that I want to do. Missing out because of injuries is something that can be frustrating. Currently, I have a time limit as to how much walking and standing that I can do before my leg becomes fatigued and starts hurting. Knowing limits and setting realistic expectations has been something I have been trying to navigate. Balancing between strengthening and pushing yourself too hard so that you need to take time off is where I am at currently. 


It seems like each stage of recovery poses its new challenges as well as mental and emotional barriers to overcome. Trusting your strength and ability in trying new challenging exercises is one. I recently have taken off my boot, which in ways has served as a crutch. Honestly, it was really terrifying and the fear of re-injuring myself was prevalent. I know that everyone at physical therapy is encouraging, but it is something that I can only overcome myself. The fear that you could end up re-injuring yourself is sometimes strong and prohibits us from pushing to the next level through wavering trust in ourselves that we are ready to perform the task at hand. It's a weird feeling moving or performing exercises that you haven't done in months. Especially with this particular injury, you can feel the tendon coming alive and it gives off a weird tingly sensation. Although, once you are able to overcome the different obstacles faced in recovery, it is truly a freeing and rewarding feeling being able to feel your strength coming back and regaining more independence. Letting go is definitely the hard part, but always proves to be worth it. It still amazes me how powerful our minds and bodies are and how much the link between the two influences our performance.

To change the subject, from experience it seems like negative things come in pairs. At least that is what this particular journey has felt like. Throughout this process, it has been difficult emotionally because I lost my dog Bella, who has been with me for many experiences, milestones, and wonderful memories. I miss Bella everyday and recently rescued another dog named Tank. Tank has brought some new life and positive energy into the house, but has been a bit of a handful as well, which has made it difficult to write. Blending two dogs together definitely takes time, patience, and awareness. Now that Tank has settled in his new surroundings and with Rocko and I have made some strides in my recovery, it felt like the right time to post. It is amazing how much our pets can influence our emotions and journeys. This new energy has provided me with another level of support and love that makes me smile and laugh everyday. Being able to keep up with both my dogs is a goal that I am striving to achieve. :) Finding something to alter your mindset and gain new perspective towards your journey can be helpful and rewarding.

"The ladder of success must be set upon something solid before you can start to climb." 

Until we speak again! Ciao

The three month mark

Hi Everyone, 
Some time has passed since my last post and I will attempt to be more diligent in sharing my journey. Honestly, this last month has been a bit of a mental and emotional hurdle for me. That being said, it is something that many people go through when facing a serious injury and going through the recovery process. I feel that it is important for me to share my recovery to help those who have gone, are going through, or will go through their own journey to recovery, to not feel alone. 

Starting at the beginning, I was told in my last orthopedic appointment that I am still really restricted in movements, limited in what I can do, and that my foot will still be sensitive to swelling so I need to rest. This was a bit of a jolt and frustrating moment for me to mentally digest. I am not sure where the expectations stem from, but it seems like you come to a point when you may be mentally ready to do more, but physically unable to perform. It's part of that disconnect between the mind and body that comes into play when you suffer an injury. Your mind expects to be able to function a certain way and your body either physically blocks that or is unable to perform due to the injury. This I feel is where a lot of the frustration stems from; at least for me personally going from extremely active to severely limited is challenging. I can feel my masters degree in sport psychology kicking in and telling me to set SMART goals and changing my negative thoughts to more productive positive dialogue. Definitely feels like that saying "practice what you preach," which can be challenging. It is a day to day battle that I go through and some days are better than others. When you find yourself missing out or not being able to do certain things because of the injury, it can be very upsetting and lonely.The struggle is real and what has sometimes helped me is thinking back to when I first came out of surgery and my limitations and where I am at now. Having a sense of hope or faith that things will return to normal and that I will come out stronger in the end. Although it is natural for hope to dwindle at times.

On a side note, I did however receive news that I could start getting off of my crutches, but still must have the boot on when I sleep and if I am moving around. At least there was some news that felt like I was gaining a little more independence and normalcy. I was not really expecting the challenge that came with this new territory or freedom. Needless to say smooth or easy is not what I would call this transition. My pt took my crutches and was like "okay, walk." I could feel my nerves perk up and fear set in. How do you walk again? I then was given back my crutches to walk with, which was a relief, but still a challenge. Testing out and relearning how to walk is no easy task. All eyes are on you and the focus kicks in as you try to sort it out. Although you receive encouragement about how great it was, you know in reality it was far from smooth, great, or a comfortable stride. Mine personally looked like a gangsta limp with a slide and was far from comfortable as I could feel the pressure in my heel and a weird sensation (like your foots asleep) from my knee to my ankle. I experimented with my walk a couple of weeks later at an usually not so busy Costco and lasted about 20 minutes before ending up on a bench next to a few new friends that came and went. My ego was a little bit hurt that I couldn't physically keep up with a one stop normal part of my routine. 

Overall, this past month I have progressed and challenged myself to walk around the house without my crutches, but am not at a point yet where I can last for a long enough time to go without them in public. This limitation still exists after a month of trying to build up stamina and strength with my current limitations. There have been some casualties in the process. Some eggs have been broken, salad dropped, creamer and smoothie spills, and it has become a bit of a war zone in the pantry. This definitely can be a mood killer because now clean up is its own work out and struggle. No one likes to clean up more then they have to on a daily basis, especially when they are physically limited. That's when the creativity kicks in. Although, I am happy to report that there have been no casualties in the last week! My next appointment is coming up and I am hoping that I will be given the freedom to take the wedge out of my boot and bump up the intensity of my physical exercises. I feel stronger and more confident than I did at the beginning of March, so I feel like I have made some progress. Keep your fingers crossed! 

My final thought is to know that you are not alone and the struggle is real, but you always come out stronger in the end.

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

Until we speak again! Ciao

Injury recovery

Hi Everyone! Welcome to my first blog post. As a past collegiate athlete, you can imagine that I have had my fair share of injuries and recovery. It is often joked that I should have my own table at my physical therapy facility. Recently though, I have experienced another serious injury that required surgery to repair my Achilles tendon. Crutches and limited movement has made rehabilitation frustrating at times as well as there is always that lingering fear of re-injury as you go through the recovery process. Anyone who has experienced crutches understands the physical limitations as well as the experience of non-weight bearing challenges that go hand in hand. You definitely become dependent upon a solid support group to help and aide in your recovery limitations and challenges.

There are so many sayings and cliches that you hear when facing injury recovery and sometimes it can be frustrating to hear them. For example, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." What happens if you don't want the lemonade?  It isn't always easy to accept the situation for what it is and how it impacts your life. Seeing the negative versus the positive is the easier route to travel and often hard to escape. Sometimes addressing it for what it is, whether it be a curve ball, an unexpected bump, or an awful situation that you weren't expecting and aren't necessarily prepared or willing to face. It's okay to be upset, frustrated, angry, and scared when facing an injury and while going through the recovery process. Working through the mental side and emotions is as important as the physical recovery. I know that throughout this injury I have had good days where I feel like I am progressing and days when I am frustrated by the physical limitations and not being able to complete simple tasks like walking up and down the stairs or carrying a glass of water without spilling it.

They say that it is often difficult to practice what you preach and in other words to take your own "good" advice as I find to be the case sometimes during my personal recovery. The mind is a powerful thing and how it links with our physical abilities is quite remarkable. When going from a more advanced physical state to a very basic physical state, it can be hard and frustrating to perform such tasks and feel out of sync. You will definitely have good recovery days and bad ones that challenge not only your emotions, but your outlook. Especially during recovery from injuries that takes months versus a few days or weeks. Finding a way to tweak this is important as well as being okay with accepting the challenges for what they are and knowing that not everyday is going to be perfect and progressing the way that you want. Taking some of this control back and previewing challenges can aide in setting smaller goals and taking the recovery process from a more present standpoint and day by day versus beginning to end. Jumping ahead can make it seem impossible and just increase negative feelings.

Although, through this recovery I have tried thinking back to how limited I was post-op and to where I am now and it makes me realize how far I have come and that I have made progress. What makes this hard is when others ask when you will be at a certain stage of recovery that isn't quite when you wish it would be as well. In my case being off of my crutches and being able to stand and walk so that I can perform at my job the way that I used to. This I find challenging because it has forced me to rely on others and relinquish some control over my work, which isn't always easy.

Well, those are my thoughts for today. Until we speak again! Ciao